This is a Test

So, Earth life is a test.  If so, what kind of test are we talking about?  Matching, multiple choice, short answer, fill in the blank, essay...?  Any guesses?

My mind has been hurting as I have tried to understand what kind of test is mortal life?  We know that we chose to come to Earth because we accepted God's plan (however strong or weak our conviction was).  Did we know how we would be tested?  Did Heavenly Father teach us all the right answers in pre-mortal existence classes and say, "Okay, you are ready to take the final now.  Make sure you get ALL the answers right so you can come back and see me."  Shoot, if this life were a multiple choice test the options to choose from would be from a to z times infinity for EACH question.  Somehow I don't think this would be a very fair test.  I also don't see how it would be a matching test.  With every life circumstance there is no one-to-one ratio for the correct response.  The Lord deals with our hearts and you and I cannot begin to understand how to score the answers of the heart.

Confusing, yes?  I thought so.  Another thought... did we know we would have disabilities when taking the test?  Using the educational test analogy, some people suffer from learning disabilities like dyslexia, poor working memory, and low IQ.  These all have an affect on the grades these individuals will get on their tests.  However, in education we make accommodations based on the needs of the individual to be able to get a 'real' picture of a person's true potential.  Without these accommodations the person may be labeled as unable to learn due to 'low IQ' when the reality is, with assistance to overcome their disability, they actually have average to high IQ.

Our Earth final is similar to this; we all have handicaps.  Some of us suffer from spiritual dyslexia where our moral-right-and-wrong compass gets turned around and we choose poorly because we couldn't tell the difference between the two.  Others, poor spiritual working memory.  We know we have to read our scriptures daily, say our prayers always, feed the sick, clothe the naked, strengthen others by being a missionary, do our genealogy work, write in our journals, treat others with kindness...  The list goes on forever.  There are some that seem to manage it all.  You know who I am talking about, the spiritual giants that do it all with a smile on their face.  We are amazed at these people, and yet, we are not all meant to be the same in this life.  So, there are those that can only manage to perfect a few of these skills at a time.  So what!  We all are handicapped, even the ones that seem to manage.

The mere fact that we are on Earth handicaps us because of our natural/carnal bodies.  We are tempted by things of the flesh and that impedes our ability to make the right choices.  Fortunately, we are all provided with a spiritual accommodation.  (And here's where my analogy comes full circle.)  God, our Father, has provided the ultimate accommodation, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He lets us correct our answers when we ask him for help.  It's called repentance.  It's like a take home test where you can take your tutor home with you and you work on the answers together.  Of course, not everyone takes advantage of this.  It could be pride or ignorance, or whatever.  Regardless, we all need His help to make the right choices and to fix the ones we get wrong.

As I have thought about this idea, I believe that life is a test.  It is an essay test where we can make revisions with the Lord's help, through repentance.  Our responses are truly subjective and only God, our Father, can make the final judgement.  He knows what is in our hearts and ultimately that is what he wants to see.  What did we do with the knowledge we had prior to this final test and how did we apply it?  Did we learn from our mistakes?  Did our responses demonstrate that we chose Him over whatever worldly fad or socially acceptable norm there was at time we lived?  I know the scriptures and seeking the Lord's guidance is the only way to know the answers, so, I suppose, being conference weekend I will see what answers I can glean.  As always, your thoughts are welcome.  Thanks in advance for your input.

The Truth About What is Old-Fashioned

I love chocolate cupcakes, especially with homemade frosting.  I find the ones I like best are full of the most fat and sugar possible.  Of course, we all know there are healthier alternatives.  Let's think of some... Well, there's cupcakes without frosting (good, but not the best).  Whole wheat cupcakes (better).  Whole wheat muffins with a honey sugar substitute (much better).  A slice of whole wheat bread with a little bit of real butter (probably the best choice considering the other options).

I find it interesting that there are many substitutes in life that we let pass for the 'real thing', even when we know they are not good for us.  I have been thinking a lot recently about the affects of mainstream video games, movies, TV shows, news and the internet on our society.  I recently reviewed an article on the effects of violent video games on violent tendencies, aggression and our tolerance thresholds.  It has been well document that the more one engages in violent video gaming the more one becomes violent/aggressive and/or tolerant of such behavior.  Why is it then that we allow this type of entertainment to substitute for the 'real thing', especially when we know it is bad for us?  We like it.  Sure enough.  It's an easy get-a-way.  Ya, I can see that.  We are not actually hurting anyone. No, sorry I don't buy it.

When we engage in something that promotes actions and feelings that we do not personally espouse (yet) we will become more and more comfortable with that action or thought.  The more comfortable we are with it, the more it becomes who we are.  Ever wonder why divorce and infidelity are so rampant?  I do, all the time.  I have seen close friends and relatives deal with the unfortunate events that occur after their spouse has confessed their infidelity and deemed it as "I never loved you".  That is silly.  Our society has shoved this chocolate covered cupcake of marriage in our face, saying:  It will never be hard, your spouse will look the same way she/he did when you married them 50 years later, you don't have to work together to stay in love, marriage without trust, forgiveness and kindness is okay....  I could go on, but I don't want this to make your ears bleed with these false truths.

Marriage, the wholesome, fulfilling, life enhancing kind is worth it.  All the other stuff we hear about is polyunsaturated fats and empty carbs.  It is my plea with all my family and friends to consider asking hard questions about yourself and your relationship with your spouse.  Some examples (please add your own as necessary):  Am I completely faithful to my spouse?  Do I serve him/her without expecting anything in return?  Have I talked to them (really) about their challenges and joys lately?  When we married what was it I loved about them?  How can I rekindle the 'love' we felt when we dated.

Look, let's face it, I know it is hard to stay 'in love' with your spouse.  You have to work at it, think about someone else other than yourself, and be patient.  To those who have met with the face of divorce (the effects a spouse who ate too many chocolate covered marriage ideas) I mourn with you.  I fear there are many who end up in divorce due to one person's inability to accept their own faults and try to escape the tedious road to recovery.  Please consider all the 'real' qualities that add depth to our life and soul: trust, obedience, faith, love, charity, kindness.  If these are not a part of your regular diet, eat up.

Wanting to Talk

You ever feel like you just need a break to be able to sit down and talk with a good friend for a while?  Lately, I have been thinking about this.  I remember spending hours talking to my cousins like Chelsea, Brianne, Grant, Christina, Shalei or Erin and some of my siblings.  We had the BEST talks!  They would range from, "Why do we like the smell of a rain storm so much?" to "If Heavenly Father is our father, then who is our Heavenly Mother?"  Aren't these interesting questions?  I agree, not everyone would be intrigued, but I can think of a million fun questions that I would love to ask a dear friend or family member and just talk about it.

I love to hear about people's genuine feelings and thoughts about their most interesting and even mundane (this is subjective of course) things unique to them.  It's funny, but Ahnica and I talk a lot about how different we are in this respect.  She is a wonderful, spiritual, loyal and loving wife and mother, but she struggles carrying on conversations with people about whatever.  I, on the other hand, love to talk about whatever with people.  In fact, I feel like the Lord blessed me with a spiritual gift to be able to have sincere interest in others, no matter who they are or what what they talk about.

I know it has been a while since my last post, but I would love to have any or all who happen to read this post to write me a quick note of something they would like to share.  Maybe it's the pseudo-psychologist in me but I get a real high from learning about others.  Love you all, friends and family! (Micah)

Why Good Habits?

Forming (and firming) good habits creates safety nets for our thoughts and actions. Good habits can also be thought of as the pegs on a tie rack where thoughts and actions can hang out without fear of becoming side tracked and deviating from the desired course (or goal). Take for example the habit of daily scripture reading at a specific time, say in the early morning, and duration, approximately 15 minutes. You know that time is set apart from the rest of the day to be your spiritual "holding place" where you can look forward to inspiration from the Lord. When you shirk this habit you no longer have the opportunity to be blessed by the Lord during that time. In addition, you may substitute non-beneficial actions (i.e. sleeping in) which in turn produce negative consequences (you are late to work and could get fired). Wow! all that because you fail to follow a good habit you established. The neat thing is that they are OUR habits no one else sets them for us, therefore we are in complete control of them.

Another important aspect of good habits is "how" you think of them... At times they may feel restrictive but as you grow the habits (substitute rules, regulations or commandments) offer a growth inducing, fertile ground for future improvements to your character.

Consider also how our good habits are geared to fit individual differences (weaknesses). Like the recovering alcoholic who will NOT drive down the road that he once used to frequent to get beer. This would not be a habit that anyone else in the world would need to have. Or the young woman who consistently says, "No" when her friends ask her to go to a movie she knows does not fit her standards. Not everyone's friends will offer this challenge. We each have the specific decisions to make and habits to form that will help keep us on the path to a virtuous and meaningful life. How we get there is entirely different.

For me the benefits of consistent daily scripture study provide me with a myriad of wonderful inspirations throughout the day. I love that good habits open the door to growth. Look at your own life and consider trying new good habits. You will be amazed at what you learn and how you are able to strengthen the areas you once thought impossible to improve on.



I know your good habits are your own, but I thought I would give you a few of ours and maybe they will help. Love you all!

Some good personal habits:
- A designated time, duration and place for studying school work, house work, playtime (research shows 45 minute increments are good). It definitely helps me focus when I know what the "end" looks like.

Some good family habits:
- Singing 2 songs for the kids at night (they choose).
- Reading 2 books (Scriptures and Kid chosen book) to the kids each night.
- Designated time for family to be together (i.e. Hamley Fome Evening)
- Practice manners at the table (this is still a struggle). Still can't keep Eden from using her fingers, some day...
- Taking your own dishes to sink.

Habits that are good for all:
- Treating others with respect and kindness, always.
- Integrity/Honesty.
- Hope, you pick what in (world peace, joy in your life, close relationship with Heavenly Father). Hoping is different than wishing. When you hope you have to believe in what is hoped for to the point that affects your thoughts, words and deeds.
- Having faith in the Savior which leads to action that changes hearts (mostly your own) and moves the mountains in your life (overcoming addiction, becoming an expert scriptorian, leading others to faith).

Please comment with some "good habits" of your own, I'd love to hear them.

Successful Learning Habits = Successful Marriage

Newlyweds are told they will not understand what true love is until they have passed through the years of their lifetime together. Why is this? What makes this time so important? Is it time, really, or is it what we do with the time we spend together? I propose the latter. What makes for "quality" time together and why is it so important to have it? Consider this:

A dating couple:

He stops by a flower shop and buys a single rose, thinking of how beautiful she looked the night before as he sat across from her at dinner. He mostly remembers how he felt as he gazed into her smooth, delicate face as she talked about herself. He thinks he loves her.

An engaged couple:

After his 45th time saying "goodbye" that night he says, "I love you." He thinks of the time they spent together for the past few months: talking all night on the phone, going out to the movies, eating at restaurants and spending time with her friends and family. What he mostly remembers is how the feelings of each moment built upon one another. At first he "liked" her because she was so beautiful, now he sees how he "loves" her, not just because of her beauty, but everything that she is. She hiccups when she laughs (he loves it), she covers her face when she is embarrassed (he loves it), she is a passionate perfectionist, maybe to a fault (he loves it), she desires a closer relationship with Heavenly Father (he loves it). He knows he loves her.

A young married couple:

Crying babies have been the reason for the deep sleep interruptions for the past week. He has been under a lot of stress at work staying up till 2:00 or 3:00 am to finish his work; and yet when he gets home all he wants to do is look into the face of his beautiful wife and tell her how much he loves and appreciates her hard work and determination as a mother and spouse. He still really loves her.

An old married couple:

This may be his last time to see her looking into his eyes, the same eyes that have watched and helped him through his struggles, the same eyes that have watched out for their precious children and grandchildren for years. Now, nearly dim, he can't help but shed a tear, yearning for more time to be with her. He loves her, forever.

You might ask what all this has to do with learning. Well, I have been inundated by thoughts of a concept I am learning about in my Cognitive Psychology class this semester. The theory is called Distinctiveness of Encoding, or the idea that the more difficult decisions you have to make about a new thing to be learned, the better you will remember it. Take for example the young man described above, whether the young man knew it or not he was making difficult decisions all along the way throughout his life. These decisions were simple at first: Do I think she is pretty? Should I go on another date? Then, they subtly changed: What is it about her that I love? How does she make me feel when I am around her? Why do I spend so much time with her? As times got tough he mused: Should I let these tough events affect my love for her? How is it that I still love her, even though life is so hard? And as the temporal experience neared to a close: How will I go on without her? Does my life have meaning without her in it? Will I be able to see her again?

If you want to be as happy as an old otter couple, ask questions that became more difficult to answer and give more meaningful responses. As you do this, you will begin to learn what true love is. Our young man knew his love would last forever, he felt it emanate throughout his whole soul. When we invest this much mental energy into anything we start to have a deeper understanding of the meaning of that thing. You may have "forgotten" how to love your spouse or just forgotten the quadratic formula; whatever the case, if it is something worth knowing, spend time asking difficult questions and you may find yourself learning more about that thing than you ever had before. As in the case of this love-struck man, you will learn to love more and be better than you could be alone.

This is my life, I love you sweetie.

Dreaming of Short Term Memory

I am so excited to be a School Psychologist. I went to bed last night dreaming about concepts related to sensory memory, working memory (generally referred to as short-term memory) and executive functioning skills (i.e. the processes within working memory). The funny thing is I woke up with these thoughts still in my head when I slunk out of bed. Excited about this, I started reading an article from my favorite school psychologist's blog and read this...

From Dr. Branstetter's Blog, "Notes from a School Psychologist"

Dr. Bell: Hi Teacher, did you get my note about the IEP tomorrow?

Teacher: The IEP for the LD kid?

DB: Yeah, the LD/ADHD kid we wanted to recommend for RSP instead of SDC.

T: Why RSP?

DB: Because we need the LRE, especially since he bypassed the SST process.

T: Do we need to bring the paperwork for AB3632?

DB: No, we need to SB1895 first.

T: Ok, and are the parents ok with RSP instead of the SDC-LD class?

DB: Yeah, because the SDC we have on site is an SDC-ED not an SDC-LD class.

T: Make sense.

Average reader: ????

Anyone else in the field of special education: Got it. See you at the IEP.

I am excited to get this (and for those of you wondering what in the heck all that was, don't ask me, yet).

I love my field and I am still so far away. - Micah

Why Get A Dog When You Have Kids?

Ever wonder why people compare their animals to kids? I am sure you have seen it; dogs wearing sweaters, shirts, sunglasses, etc. These anthropomorphized mammals are hilarious and, yes, even cute. Like looking at a toddler sit on the toilet and read the newspaper. Hilarious!

It is the family set up that couples with no kids and old kids prefer. It's the in between group that I don't get, you got it, my friends WITH kids and animals. Don't get me wrong, I love animals (except the ones that growl/hiss at me for no reason or ignore me for the same reason). As an aside, I know all about the "don't show them you fear them" and "let them sniff you" routine. I do that and for the most part they like me, but I don't get the ever-angry or ever-annoyed animals, whatever. Mixing animals and little kids together are not a good mix and I mean no offense to my brother Caleb and his sweet wife, Palmyra.

So, why do I bring this up? Well, I have been thinking about reasons why I don't have any animals (and let's just remove what you are already thinking, "It's because you don't like animals."). Au contraire, I love them, but they have a time, place and season in my life. If I don't have the time, place or season right, then it's a no-go.

So, here is a list that I have come up with to help me rationalize why I don't have animals BECAUSE they are my kids:

1. When my oldest was two I found her face immersed in the doggy water dish at Gma and Gpa Jeanne and Michael's.
2. Likewise, this same daughter is constantly found with her face in her 'human' dish licking and lapping the remains of her meal. And, inevitably she gets food on her, I don't know how.
3. They bark, growl, bite and unfortunately leave little 'surprises' on the floor ("pssss", "bleah", *concentrated look...* "ahhhh").
4. They wake you up at all hours of the night when they are sick, scared, hot/cold or if they need to go potty.
5. When you get a new one you take more pictures of them instead of everyone else and inevitably you miss capturing events in your life because you have a bunch of pictures of their face instead of what you were doing say at Christmas.
6. They are the joy in my life and I would do anything for them.

So, there you have it, I will NOT get a dog/cat/animal until my kids can take care of themselves or are out of the house. There it is in writing and I'm not going back. I love you kids, but don't ask for a pet unless you want to move out.

*I have included some pictures, for fun, of my kids and their animal counterparts.

P.S. Case in point, listen to the beginning of the video below as I talk to Eden and Wyatt (it's short and quiet, but you'll get the point).